And the Oscar goes to....

No one. At least not for the actual production of the show.

Ugh. What a waste of time to watch that mess last night. Was glad that Diablo Cody won for original screenplay, in fact I was generally pleased with all the winners, but the show itself?

BOOOOOOORRRRRINNNNNNNNG...

So boring.

My new iPhone isn't boring though. I'm going to go play with it some more now.
The end.

And I thought it was bad yesterday...

I am uber sick today. I rarely get this sick, it isn't allowed! I want to die. Worse, I'm a terrible patient. Not that I have anyone here taking care of me. Pffft.

Only good thing is that I had the strength to take my semi-sick kid to daycare this morning, so she can contaminate everyone else and I can get some sleep. In between puking that is. Bad news is I have to get back in the car at some point to go get her.

Ugh. Did I mention I want to die?

Back from Veg-ass

Home. It's weird being in this house without anyone to "care" for besides me, my kid -- oh and the Evil Toto of course.

I have a cough/cold too. That's what walking around in casinos will get ya. Sick. That, or the flight home on jetBlue did it. Maybe both? Who knows? I just feel like crap. We'll leave it at that. Btw, did I mention that flying just ain't no fun anymore? Yeah well... it ain't. 9-11 has sucked all the fun right out of it. And for what? So we can be "safe" from little old ladies and their white Velcro Reebok sneakers? Ha!

I'm seeing my accountant tomorrow. It'll be interesting to see how much the IRS (e.g. Bush Administration) plans to rape me for this year. The only good news is that I made less than poverty wages last year, so it puts me in the seriously poor assed tax bracket - so hopefully they won't take too much of my money.

Haven't seen dad since last Friday, but his housekeeper Marta went to visit over the weekend and both she and the facility owner say he is doing great, eating well, even walking around again. This is good news. Maybe he'll live to be 104 like Nicole's grandmother did. Ha! That would be so fitting. Anyway, I don't want to go see him til I'm over this lung butter of mine b/c it's not fair to the other residents if I get them all contaminated and shite.

I wish I had happier news to share. But I don't. Oh, today I watched "Atonement" and "No Country for Old Men"... both depressing and dark as shite. Damn. I need some happy movies in my collection, fo sho.

The end.

Bye Dad.

Hardest. Thing. Ever.

Watching them wheel my dad down the driveway. I could see in his eyes that he is bummed. I could see in his eyes how he didn't want to go. I could see that he's scared.

For the record, I'm feeling all of those things too.

I'll go see him later this afternoon, take some more of his things over so he can settle in, get comfortable... It's gonna be hard to transition to a life that no longer labels me as "The Caretaker". But I also feel strangely free.

Does that make a horrible person? Maybe. But just for today, I'm gonna forgive myself.

C ~

V-Day

You know... the cynical part of me has really disliked this holiday. It seemed contrived and utterly lonely, especially for those who are "unwanted, unloved and alone".

However, today I remembered what it felt like to be a little kid on Valentine's Day. All the little heart shaped cards we would exchange w/ our classmates and our family. The candy hearts and chocolate kisses. The excitement when we got a special heart from a "crush". It was the promise of a day where expressing love was encouraged & celebrated, not scoffed at or made fun of.

I remembered too that when I was young, this day was MY day with my dad. No other dates were allowed. It was OUR day. We'd would go out to dinner, just the two of us. I looked forward to it all year - especially since our relationship has often been combative and contentious.

It was the one day we could hang out, enjoy a meal, talk about whatever (politics, dogs, the weather, crossword puzzles, school, etc.). It was lovely & it was loving. Which is what Valentine's Day should be, and it's what a relationship between Father and Daughter should be.

How ironic then that today, this rainy and gloomy V-Day for 2008, I should be moving my father to a Board & Care facility. I can't take care of him anymore, not by myself. Nor do I want to. It's been stressful and overwhelming and I don't like the angry person I'm becoming. I don't like how I am acting toward my daughter either (this isn't her fault). It's hard enough as it is to take care of her all by myself, but for the past 11 months I've really had TWO children (three if you count the dumb Pomeranian*).

Dad needs more care and attention than I can give without help. My daughter deserves a calm, loving, attentive mother.

I know this is the most loving thing I can do for him. I know that my obligations as a daughter only go as far as me making sure he is okay, safe, warm and taken care... it is NOT however my obligation to personally provide those things.

Even so, it's hard to make the decision.

When we placed my mother into full time care, she wasn't lucid and couldn't "protest". Though it took some time for her to acclimate to her new surroundings, she never gave us a hard time about moving her.

I know Dad will be okay no matter what. So will Dexy & I.

Really, this is only scary for me because I have defined myself as a "caretaker" for over a decade. My role as such is about to change forever. I actually have to consider the possibility that there are other, more important (and more LOVING) ways to define myself. I have to step outside of my "sphere of availability", my comfort zone, the proverbial box I've put myself in and try something completely different.

What I know about doing things different is that my life will get different. There may be some discomfort in that, but I've also learned that change is never a bad thing. Never.

For today, as scary as the impending change may seem, I'm also okay with it. There is no going backwards... only forward. Into the warm sun, a new path, a new experience, a new me.

Happy Valentines Day. To my dad of course. As well to my beautiful baby girl, my BF and to all my friends whom I love and cherish. No more will I think of this day as a contrived farce. It is what I make it. I choose to make it about LOVE. So, bring on the flowers, the cards, the chocolate, the sappy sentiments. It's all good. I welcome it and fully embrace the Girly-ness in me that loves to get a beautiful bouquet of tulips or wildflowers - or a card that simply says, "I love you."

The End.

*See Numero Uno for more about the Pomeranian (aka Evil Toto).

Numero Uno!

Finally, a HOUND has won Westminster's Best in Show! Not another one of those foofy poof ball "toy" dogs... but a real live braying, playful, decent sized hound dog.

Thank goodness.

Frankly, those little dogs, as cute as they may be for Grannie May, are not REAL dogs in my opinion. They are simply cats that bark. And I should know, my father has the most useless Pomeranian on the planet.

Good for you Uno!! You kicked serious doggie butt.

Next year, I'm rooting for the Harriers.

Yes indeed!

MySpace is the Devil.

What is it about that frackin' place that brings out the 12-year old retard in us?

Jay-sus! Get thee behind me Satan.

I'm sending out mass apologies to the universe, just in case the people they are intended for don't actually read their own MySpace email(s).

I'm an ass. I had no business having an opinion about where you are at in your life. I hope you can forgive me making such a public display of my opinion.

You're still my Rock Hero brother. That ain't gonna change... I just need to take ALL people off of pedestals (Rock Heroes and regular folks alike). They are far too lofty and unstable a place to ask someone to stand for long. Better you should have your feet on the ground, standing shoulder to shoulder with the rest of us. It's much easier to offer our adoration & appreciation if we can look you in the eye anyway.

So dude. I'm really sorry.

The end.

Disenfranchised.

I voted on Tuesday, but apparently it was all for naught.

I should have seen it coming when the volunteers at the polling place looked at each other in utter disbelief when they looked up my address and saw my party affiliation...

And I quote:

"GRN. What's that?" [looks to her left in askance of the female volunteer sitting next to her]
"Green? Oh. Okay. A Green party ballot. Hmmmm... I'm not sure if we have any left. We didn't get too many of the Other Party ballots." [looking again to her compatriot in stupidity on the left] "Do we have any of those ballots left? Oh, here's one." [looking at me in semi-smug disbelief] "Well, we haven't had one of you yet today so I'm not sure how you are supposed to use this ballot, but the booth for Independents and Greens, etc. is over there in the corner. If you have any questions, let us know. Thanks!" [immediately turns her attention to voter in line behind me and seems relieved that he is NOT a Green like me].

Oh yeah. I should have known right then and there.

Don't they train these people? Or were these two particular volunteers just not listening at that brief point we non Dems and non GOPs were mentioned during the "How to work at a Polling Place" orientation?

When they called the state of CA for that Career Politician Woman, aka Hilary Clinton, so early on, well I again had to wonder... "How can they know so soon? When there are so many paper ballots in the county of Los Angeles alone, and when the State of CA had to de-certify so many touch screen voting stations in several other counties? How can they know?"

I hate CNN. And I hate poor ballot design. But I am increasingly convinced that these kinds of "snafus" are on purpose. Of course they are. They don't want "free thinkers" like me to vote. They want us to only have a choice between Clinton and Obama, or Mitt and McCain. And that ain't much of a choice IMO.

If I were allowed to cross party lines in a CA Primary election, I would have. Anything to keep that Clinton woman from winning! But I can't. You can't either, not even if you are affiliated with one of the two Super Power Parties.

So Ralph got my vote. But in the end, it didn't even matter. CNN says Clinton took CA, so it must be true. Which means we've lost.

Meh.

Stuff I don't.

George W. Bush.

And 99.9% of the candidates currently running to replace him in office.

The end.

Some stuff I like...

I read Post Secret every week. Like religiously. It's sort of a "guilty" pleasure, though more often than not, it ends up touching my heart.

Anyway, this week Frank has created a little sidebar site called ...
Found Cameras and Orphan Pictures

This is the coolest thing I've seen in a long time. While going through security at JFK airport, I lost 7 rolls of film coming back from Austria in 1986, a whole summers worth of memories gone. I've never gotten over it really. Anyway, I wish "I Found Your Camera" had been around back then. Hell, I wish the internet had been around back then. LOL.

Anyway, check it out!

Another website that I can't get enough of is ETSY. If you are an artist of any kind; photographer, jewelery maker, clothing designer, etc. you can sell your wares here. And boy, there is some really cool stuff!! I have bought more than a few baby tees for Dexy. Let me tell you, t's not easy to find cool baby stuff at the local Old Navy, not unless you don't mind seeing the same outfit on every kid in the universe. But hey, I'm just saying.

Of course, another perennial fave is always the Secret Diary of Steve Jobs. My friend Steve reads this avidly as well, and if he wasn't the first person to direct me to it, he certainly reminds me to go there regularly. It's quite hilarious, I must say (as I type this blog out on my beautiful 24" iMac).
Well, that's it for now. Oh, except for one last note. Ms. Diablo Cody, if you're out there... please oh please come back to The Pussy Ranch. We miss you! MySpace is swell to be sure, but it's just not the same without you here on Blogger.

The End. For now.