Paralyzed

Why is it that the simplest of tasks; from paying bills before they come due, to returning an item to the store within a few days of making the decision that I don't really want it (or need another size, color, unbroken version, etc.), to returning a phone call or email within 24-48 hours of receiving it, to folding or putting away the seemingly endless piles of laundry, to making myself some lunch, or getting up from my computer to pee, etc. all seem so painfully difficult to handle? 

What am I really avoiding when I find myself paralyzed by the minutia of my daily life? And why?

If you have any ideas, please let me know. Because it's starting to get on my last nerve.

Laying Down My Sword

I attended an amazing 2-day workshop last week here in Seattle (Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women), and I have to tell y'all, it totally changed my life. Like forever.

I have so much more to say about all of this, but I just don't have the words yet. So for now, I just want to say this out loud:

I've laid down my sword.

Not to mention myriad assortment of knives, whips, chains, railroad spikes, sharp tongue, sarcasm, bad attitude, hurt, disappointment, anger, rage, entitlement, etc.

What I've learned is that I cannot possibly have my hands (or my heart) OPEN to all the amazing things that men are (and they are wonderful), let alone be open to the all the amazing things that love can be, if I am clutching these razor-sharp-death-inducing-blades-of-steel.

Just sayin'.

Stay tuned.

Bye Dad.

Hardest. Thing. Ever.

Watching them wheel my dad down the driveway. I could see in his eyes that he is bummed. I could see in his eyes how he didn't want to go. I could see that he's scared.

For the record, I'm feeling all of those things too.

I'll go see him later this afternoon, take some more of his things over so he can settle in, get comfortable... It's gonna be hard to transition to a life that no longer labels me as "The Caretaker". But I also feel strangely free.

Does that make a horrible person? Maybe. But just for today, I'm gonna forgive myself.

C ~