There is NOTHING about being on this Merry-Go-Round that is working for me anymore, but damnit if I don't still keep getting on.
And no, I'm not the only one that's participating in this stupid little game, but what they do just isn't any of my business.
F**k me though, it sucks balls to feel this bad about being yanked into the vortex of a little kids spinning ride. One. More. Time.
I'm doing my level best to NOT jump back on board for one more spin about. It's not easy though. I've had my own personal (& seemingly valid) reasons for holding on to this illusion of normalcy; some habits also just die hard. But I can't do this anymore (whatever *this* is). I thought I could be all cool, easy breezy & unaffected like a man. Turns out I can't. Maybe someday, but not today.
I don't know how to do this. I hate how confused and out of control I feel. So I'm gonna scurry off to see if there is a nice thoroughly terrifying rollercoaster further on down the promenade. Yep, that sounds like an excellent plan!
The End.
