From Wiki: Together for only six weeks, Bauhaus entered the studio for the first time at Beck Studios in Wellingborough to record a demo. The band recorded five songs; one of the tracks from the session, "Bela Lugosi's Dead", running more than nine minutes, was released as the group's debut single in August 1979 on Small Wonder Records as Bauhaus (the 1919 abandoned).
I just <3 me some E.C. But it kind of sucks when your favorite musician in the whole wide world (not to mention your daughter's namesake) is such a bloody prolific songwriter. Because frankly, I can't keep up with all the music my husband, errrr I mean Rock G-d, creates. But I try. I really do. And this one looks AWESOME (you can hear a clip on Shawn Stewart's blog). Duh. Of course it does.
On the flip side, there's some good news. It doesn't drop until Nov 2nd, so I still have some time to save my duckets. Squeeeee!
I am allowing myself these last few moments of a cool, clear Sunday evening to cry. Tomorrow is a new day. A new beginning. A reprieve from the rigors of the day prior. That's the best I can do b/c frankly, what is the alternative?
I have NO idea what anything will look like in an hour, let alone for the rest of my life. I can't make anymore declarative statements about what my life was like BEFORE this moment nor can I make any sweeping comments about what my life will be from this moment forward.
I would also like to tell the truth. Not what I've always believed the truth to be -- You know what I'm talking about right? That stuff I tell myself inside my head. The "crazy" conversations I have with my Ego-Self, as it whispers with contemptuous malice, lie upon lie into my receptive ears. Filling me up to the brim with fear, self-doubt, irrational worry or reaction, jealousy, resentment, cynicism, etc.
What I am seeking in this quiet & perfect moment is the real deal kinda Truth. A G-d Truth, the stuff that is born from Love, Trust, Kindness, Respect, Admiration, Hope, etc. An aspiration to reach, on a daily basis, a connection to my Highest Self.
I want a different life, so I need to tell a different story.
What's the truth right now, in this moment?
I made a mistake.
I want to be forgiven but more importantly, I need to forgive myself.
I'm hurting.
I really want a hug.
I miss the man I love.
I'm often arrogant.
I am not always a very kind person.
I'm not a BAD person.
I am terrified.
I'm angry.
I feel abandoned.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I feel things deeply & close to the bone.
I tend to overreact.
I take things personally.
I am capable.
I am smart.
I have good friends & they love me.
I love my friends.
I love my daughter.
I love me too, even though I say I don't.
I expect the best.
I have tremendous hope & faith.
I believe that all things are possible b/c I trust the depth of my ability to love.
But at least there is good music on the jukebox & strong booze at the bar to keep ya going in the meantime. Belly up baby, it's time for some Fastball and a Cadillac Margarita, on the rocks, no salt. Don't screw around w/ some little dinky glass either, I ain't playing some kind of reindeer girlie game. Pour me a drink. Oh, and make it a double!! Pronto.
