R.I.P. Heath?

Another celebrity takes too many drugs and dies. Accidentally or on purpose? Does it matter? The news media then glorifies it and talks about it ad nausea for days (or weeks) upon end, and we all gasp in horror, glued to the telly, caught up in the drama of it all.

Are you kidding me?

This is news? This, this story of human stupidity is MORE important than what our government is doing, or what the stock market is doing, how our economy is doing, or the "war" on terror???!!

Frankly, I'm far more saddened by the fact that yet another little girl (Heath's daughter) is left w/o a daddy because of drugs or alcohol. I'm sad that her mother is going to have to explain that concept to an innocent three year old. I'm sad that Heath's family and friends are left with the wreckage of his choices (intentional or not). I'm sad that there are myriad of people in this country that think we've lost some great human being (he was 28 for crying out loud, who knows what he could have been?)... What about all the NON celebrities that succumb to their addictions every single day, who is standing outside of their homes asking these "poignant" questions about "why" or "how"? Where is THEIR news coverage?

I'm irritated that the news media doesn't think we're smart enough to make our own conclusions about this chapter in human tragedy. I'm irritated that they think we need them to speculate about what really happened. I'm irritated that they open their big fat mouths before they know all the facts, reporting erroneous and often downright WRONG information. I'm sad that the Collective swallows it hook, line and sinker.

Listen up. We have far more serious problems in this country than another celebrity aspirating on his own drug or alcohol infused vomit. We are on the verge of a recession(depression). We are at war. The banking industry has made bad investments in the subprime lending business and the Bush Administration wants to bail them out! Whatever happened to accountability for the actions of business? Our government has literally been hijacking our very democracy on free trade agreements, foreign good imports, foreign oil, and just blatant wastefulness in general. They are pissing away the very things that made this country strong and great, and for what? Because we want more stuff to consume?

George Carlin was right about "stuff" man. It's just stuff. Give it up.

But I digress.

Certainly, I hope Mr. Ledger is no longer in "pain".... whatever his pain may have been. But mostly, I will be lifting that baby girl of his up in prayer & into G-d's hands b/c she (and Heath's immediate family) is going to need some serious comfort on this man. Meanwhile I'll not waste another minute trying to figure out "why" Heath is dead or how he could have been "saved". I (WE) have bigger fish to fry.

Your ever faithful Eye Roller -
C ~

New Year... hrumph!

2008. Wow.

Okay. I resolve to write more blogs here this year.

That's the best I can do for today. Maybe when I get back to CA tomorrow I can get started. 'Til then, it's all about wishful thinking.

Ha.

Cheers for now!

P.S. (Pre sleep? Post sleep? Praying for sleep?)

Leaving later today for Portland... another house hunting visit. This time my BF is coming w/ Dex & I. I'm glad for that b/c I don't wanna do this stuff alone anymore. The bummer of course is that it's just a "vacation". He's not leaving Vegas... and I'm not staying in CA. What next?

Meanwhile, I sit here wondering how much more "relaxed" I'd be (e.g. less stressed, less fat, less freaked out) if I actually got real sleep every night? Quality sleep? Sleep without interuption from crying babies, barking dogs, restless elderly fathers, rats scurrying the halls, roofers banging away above, phones ringing, sweat inducing nightmares, discomfort in my own bed. Not to mention all the thoughts & worries running tireless circles around some beaten clay track in my brain for hours upon end when I should be SLEEPING.

Probably would do me a world of good.

Easier said than done though. G-d, please let me get some sleep in Portland.

The end. Again.

Sleep deprivation...

Sucks.

The end.

Time to move on...

G-d bless my mom, her business sense & fortitude has allowed me the luxury to leave my job. I won't have to go back to work until I find the house "of my dreams" and am firmly ensconced in it.

My last day will be on Sept 25th, after which I'm going to spend some time screwing my head back on from losing mom AND my dogs in July, to focus on raising my daughter right, look into moving to the Pacific NW, get this hideous post-child birth body of mine back in shape, catch up on my reading (how I miss reading), and finally sort through all the crap I brought over to dad's when I moved in so that I can pack it all up again to leave. LOL.

I'm terrified. I'm afraid I'll be a single mom raising this beautiful girl forever. I'm afraid I won't be able to find good daycare, schools, resources, or even new friends when I move. I know these are irrational fears, but they're there. I'm also exhilarated and excited about this new chapter in my life. I'm hopeful that Dex's daddy will find a way to remain in our lives (G-d knows I want him to). I'm grateful that I have an opportunity to become a full-fledged adult & do what's right for myself and my child. My head & heart are full of emotions, very overwhelming. But it'll all be okay, no matter what. I just have to remember that.

The end for today. Work is calling (thank Crisco I don't have to do this much longer)...

C ~