Changes...

Please bear with me while I make some changes to the look & layout of my blog...

Thanks in advance!

P.S. Since you're already here, take a few minutes & go through the archive to read other posts I've written since starting this thing in 2006. Don't want to go back & read more of MY stuff? No worries! Check out the blog roll in the right sidebar... these are blogs I subscribe to via RSS on Google Reader. Or you can check out my Facebook page, Flickr page, Twitter profile, or perhaps look for me on MySpace (Eeek!).

Cheers and thanks again for being patient as I try to make this blog look a little more "professional"... or at least, a little less busy.

C ~

Not feeling it.

Hello to my 2 or 3 readers. How are things? Having a good summer? Read any good books?

Me? Well, I keep wanting to sit down and write. But every time I plop down into this hard-on-my-ass white folding chair, turn on the iMachine, etc. suddenly, I've got a big. fat. zero. Not one of those constantly floating in my head ideas pops forth, it's as if my brain has been erased by the glow of the monitor.

Nothing. Or least nothing I feel like talking about.

I don't know if I want to keep what I'm feeling & going through more closely guarded than I normally would, or if I'm just not feeling inspired, or if I am too easily distracted (Damn you Twitter!). Mostly I have so much going on, I'm really not even sure where to start.

Certainly, I miss my parents. A lot. I feel anchorless, rudderless, up shit creek without a paddle, or something nautical like that. I'm dreading the inevitable legal stuff that's coming down the pike soon w/ regard to their estate. I'm feeling really confused about what I'm supposed to do next, especially now that I'm not taking care of anyone other than my daughter & myself. You've gotta understand, I have defined myself as a caretaker for so long, I'm really not sure what else (or WHO else) I am.

I feel like I keep f**king things up too. With my friends, with my family, my daughter, my non-career, and with my ex. But the only way I know how to stop doing that is to just STFU and then push people away.

I feel angry again. I feel VERY uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel disconnected from others, but even more so I feel disconnected from myself. I'm afraid of how the next half of my life is going to turn out, and I'm afraid what Declan's will be like too. I feel like she is happier when she's with anyone else but me, and I don't blame her. Most of the time I think she'd be better off if she were with someone else. Lastly, I feel like my body has betrayed me, with it's stupid fibroid tumors, wonky thyroid, hot flashes, mood swings, puffed out belly, and the monthly bleed-a-thons from hell that I must endure.

So I guess that's about it. Until I know what to say, or how to say it with some level of dignity or grace, (or at the very least, with far less rancor) I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut. Of course, those who know me know that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, so we'll see how long that lasts. Ha.

Meanwhile, to prove that I'm not all doom and gloom... Here is Top 10 List of some things I'd really like to do in the next year:

1) Learn how to Tango (Argentine style)
2) Learn how to use my new digital Canon SLR camera (& learn to use it well).
3) Practice Yoga at least 3 days a week
4) Meditate & practice Conscious Contact w/ Spirit daily
5) Travel to Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Tucson & Santa Fe (in no particular order)
6) Get another dog
7) Remodel my kitchen & two bathrooms
8) Lose 50+ pounds
9) I want to FEEL good about what I see when I look in a mirror.
10) Join the Audubon Society & start birding regularly again.

That's all I can come up w/ today. Oh, one last thing... I have joined a group on Flickr that posts a picture a day for the whole month of August. You can see the set contributions I'm making HERE or HERE.

XOXOXO's,

Cher ~

Tag! You're it!

VDog (@vdog) sort of indirectly tagged me when I was reading her blog earlier. I thought, "Ooooh, I like these... they're fun!" Therefore, I'm gonna share the game with YOU, my 2 or 3 avid readers. *snort*

The rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your blog entry is up.


Six Random Things About Me (aka @jasperblu):

1. I'm a reunited adoptee & was once an active member of a little Open Records group called Bastard Nation.

2. I heart men who have a "thing" for feet.

3. I'm a total Bird Nerd (as in Audubon Society).

4. I'm kind of a plant, nature, architecture, dance, movie, art & tech nerd too.

5. Speaking of men, my favorite "parts" on a man are noses, teeth & forearms.

6. A guy I used to date murdered his famous brother, then killed himself (Scary, but true!).


The blog tags are:

A Life Size Paper Doll

Ms. Single Mama

Five Husbands

Mom O Matic

madness, madness I say!

Laura Loves Art

Have fun with it everyone,

Me-O

Lazy Me!

I've been getting very lazy w/ my blog, posting videos & lyrics, or woe-is-me posts w/ complete abandon. But sometimes, that's the best I can do folks. You may not realize this, but blogging takes TIME and THOUGHT, or at least decent blogging does. Not that this blog comes close to even being decent. *snort*

Anyway, I do have a series of things I've been wanting to blog about. I've even been keeping a list on my iPhone (yes, I have an iPhone. Jealous much? Heh.) so when an idea strikes me I can actually REMEMBER it an hour later. I have a chronic case of Mommy Brain, what can I say? Stay tuned, I will be writing about them in the days/weeks ahead.

Meanwhile, you will just have to be placated w/ this little factoid... I'm feeling a little better & I'm taking the necessary steps to feel substantially more than "just a little" better.

The end. For now.