Illuminate the Candles

Just sitting here watching the sun sink into Puget Sound, and I'm thinking about Hanukkah... wondering what all this still means to me, if anything. Of course, I believe in G-d. I'm more spiritually connected now than I've been in my entire life. And I'm grateful for that. I'm just not sure if I believe in religion anymore.

I'd like my daughter to experience the holiday traditions I grew up with (Lutheran), as well as the ones I chose as an adult (Jewish). Traditions, rituals, decorations, food, love, and most of all family... they all go hand in hand. That's not a bad thing to celebrate, right?

I will totally miss stopping at my brother's this year on Xmas morning. The kids ripping through presents. Mom & dad sitting on the couch watching it all unfold. Bri wearing khaki shorts & maybe some slippers (more likely flip flops). Elicia serving piping hot coffee w/ vanilla creamer and chatting with her over sausages on the stove. Maybe a fire going in the fireplace, even if it isn't cold (which it rarely is in Southern CA), just b/c it seems like the right thing to do on Christmas morning.

I'll miss stopping in at my best friend's on Xmas Eve. And having dinner at my childhood friends on Christmas afternoon. I'll miss lighting the Hanukkah candles at mom & dad's old house, that isn't ours anymore, in a neighborhood that isn't mine anymore either. I'll miss waving to the neighbors, exchanging cookies & cards w/ them, seeing their kids and grandkids running around the block on new bikes and skateboards.

It doesn't have to be a melancholy time, the holidays. I have so much to be grateful for. I love my new house, my new neighborhood is chock full of awesome people who will help create similar childhood memories for my daughter, I can have a tree AND a menorah if I want, I've put up lights around the eaves, it's cold, and hells bells, it MAY even snow! I can have the exact experience I desire, to the level at which I'm willing to participate. Some days I'm just not sure how much I want to participate. That's where I'm feeling stuck I guess.

But... tonight, I'll light the candles. And I'll think of those I love. That's the best I can do for today. It's enough, yo.

Last Christmas in California

This is a very powerful video (see below) with a wonderful message. Regardless of your religious beliefs, affiliations, or lack thereof, it is also quite universal. What is Christmas (or "The Holidays" if you prefer) really about?

This will be the last Christmas I'll ever spend in my parents home, the home I grew up in & that we celebrated myriad holidays in, in one form or another, for over 40 years! How many of us have been blessed w/ a place to call home for four decades? A place that no matter where we went, or for how long, we knew it would always be there waiting for us when we came back home? Maybe that's not so important to some, but it has always meant the world to me!

I was blessed to have had that kind of childhood. I thank G-d that I had the kind of mother who felt it was important to provide a sense of place for her kids. All of the traditions, the rituals, the memories... She did that for us, for her family. And I want so much to do the same for my own daughter, b/c let's face it, if I don't... who will?

Do I want this last Christmas in CA to be a little extra special? Do I want to dig down deep & give from my heart (instead of just my wallet)? Yes! Most of all, I want our last Christmas here to honor the lifetime of memories in this house... and I want it to mark the beginning of our new life in Seattle as well. So, I get to create a host of beautiful new traditions and memories, and build them upon the ones my mother created for me, starting right now.

What is YOUR Christmas wish?