Overwhelmed!

Getting this house cleaned up (and cleaned out) seems like such a monumental task. My mother threw NOTHING away. Somehow I keep getting "stuck" with the job of getting rid of all this stuff - the donation piles, the junk/trash piles, the keep piles. I feel like one of those sicko families on Oprah; a perfect candidate for a "Hoarding Family Gone Awry" segment. Ugh. Did I mention that my mom threw away nothing? Ever?

I have decided to stay in this house. This is a relief, to know that I don't have to move away from CA now. Maybe someday. But not now.

But to truly nest so this feels like my home? That means I need to get rid of all the stuff that is taking up space I could otherwise use more efficiently. The garage is stuffed to the brim again with things I've moved out of the house as well as some things from my old place that never got unpacked. The cupboards are jammed w/ china sets and tablecloths, old papers & photographs, cloths, etc. that we never managed to get rid of the FIRST time we cleaned out the house (when my mom died). Where does it come from? How is there still MORE of it when we already filled two huge construction dumpsters w/ trash last year?

I just want to feel like I have a real home again. It's been over a year since I moved back into the house I grew up in. But honestly, I've never really moved in! It's time to move in folks.

It feels insurmountable sometimes. No wonder my mom never wanted to tackle it. After a while, it's just too much. You don't know where to start. Meanwhile, my own crap accumulates into little stacks & piles (I tend to keep paper, magazines, catalogs & receipts). I want to toss it all, but what if I need it later (especially receipts, or drawings my daughter made)? Stupid, I know. But that's what stops me. I imagine that's what stopped mom too.

Anyway, I'm working on the mountain today b/c I have a new couch & new carpet coming. It needs to get done. One room & one item at a time I will make this house a home!

Help?!

Oh yeah and I'm hungry. Anyone want to make me some lunch?

There's no place like home...

Oh, Auntie Em... there really is no place like home!

We arrived in Long Beach to a cool, almost damp 63 degree evening. Our flight landed about 25 minutes late but was pretty easy-breezy once we hit the tarmac (gotta love small airports like AUS and LGB).

We had a quick dinner at Pancho's Mexican Restaurant on Pacific Coast Hwy before stopping at the local 7-Eleven for a gallon of Alta Dena milk so that I'd have something to give the baby in the morning &/or put in my coffee. Got back to the house around 9 pm, brought the bags in, changed into pj's, brushed our teeth, read 2 books & pretty much crashed as soon as our heads hit the pillow.

Best of all? Dexy slept in her own bed. No waking, no fussing, no crying... until 5:30 am! Then she came in w/ me & we snuggled together until 7:15 am, dozing off and on. Sweet, non stressful, peaceful.

My child the way she used to be -- instead of the child she's been the past few months. You know, the little girl w/ the goofy grin that was so easy going & even tempered, that never cried and who would let ANYONE hold her. The child I gave birth to, the child I've know for most (if not all) of the past 23 months). Before those evil aliens from the Planet Terrible Two's stole her away & replaced her with the Whiny-Needy-No-One-But-Mama-Will-Do child I have now (please, please, please tell me I'll get my original child back some day).

Despite the fact that she's been a total PILL most of today (Happy Mother's Day to me, hooray), I'm holding on to that sweet moment from this morning. It was the first time in a long time that I felt relaxed & calm around my kid. I need to know those moments are still possible, or I'll never get through the next few years of Toddler Hell.

Speaking of Mother's Day...

My friend Debe dropped off the most hilarious card (& flowers) for me this morning! The card is sort of charcoal gray w/ lime green text & this cute lime green fairy in a funky striped baby doll dress, wings, a wand & knee high boots & it says:

If I could,
I'd find a fairy godmother
With a magical wand
And combat boots
So that she could grant
Your wishes and kick
The crap outta anything
That tried to get in the way
Of your happiness.

I don't know WHERE she found this card, but I'm totally framing it! A lime green Fairy Godmother in combat boots, are you kidding me? If my Fairy Godmother was going to wear anything on her feet, of COURSE she'd wear combat boots. She'd have tattoos & multiple piercings too. LOL.

I also got a text message from Dexy's dad wishing me a Happy Mother's Day too, which was much more than I was expecting to be honest. We even ended up talking on the phone for the first time in a month, which was really weird -- but that's a topic for another day. I'm still kind of trying to process the reality of our conversation & don't want to regurgitate stuff I've already said on this blog until I've done so.

It's sunny & bright outside. The hose is refilling the pool (one week gone & it's dropped about 4 inches from evaporation). The grocery shopping is done. I've unpacked my suitcase & started some laundry. Dexy Girl is down for a late afternoon nap. I think I'm going to pop in a video (Across the Universe) & watch it until I either fall asleep too, or she wakes up. Whichever happens first.

Hope all my Mommy friends are having a WONDERFUL day!

Love & kisses,

Me.