Word to Your Mother

Thinking of my mom today, of course. What else can I say?  Oh, I know... Hug your mom if you still have her, because it'll likely be one of the things you'll miss most when she's gone.

Mom with Declan, August 2006.

Me & my brother w/ mom, circa 1972.

Me & my Dexy Doodle, circa 2007.

Mama Me-a

Being a single mom on Mother's Day kinda sucks. 

Just sayin'.

Also, I really wish my mom was here. Because if she was, I'd so be sitting outside on the patio with her right now. And we'd totally be drinking ice-cold-frothy-licious root beer, or maybe her ultimate favorite, root beer floats. Mmmm! (Okay, I'd probably be drinking a vodka gimlet, but I do still love root beer floats, thanks mom!). Mom would probably have some ridiculous white hat and ginormous "Jackie O" shades on. We'd just chill and chit chat, enjoying the (ahem) rare Seattle sunshine, and we'd watch Dexy play with her bubble blowing contraption. And then we'd make something awesome to eat (because my mom was a great cook) and she'd argue with me about how I was making it "wrong" or something equally stubborn and opinionated. And then later, we'd watch the sunset from the front porch and she'd yap at the neighbors, asking them all sorts of personal questions (which they would of course be compelled to answer gleefully). And after Dexy was in bed, she and I would snuggle up and watch a "shoot 'em up" movie (her favorite) until she fell asleep too, and then I'd tuck a blanket around her nice and tight, kiss her on the forehead, and I'd go to bed a happy, contented and loved mama.

Yeah, that would pretty much rock.

Just sayin'


 Me & my brother with mom, circa 1970.

Hallmark Holidays Make Me Cuckoo Crazy

I have been feeling profoundly sad the past 2 days or so - in waves mostly, so not all the time (which is a good thing) - but I haven't been able to put my finger on it.

Sometimes, I really am dumber than a box of rocks (*slaps forehead*)

G-d knows I can't really articulate any of it right now. Suffice to say, Mother's Day is almost upon me. Another stupid & contrived greeting card "holiday" that means jack unless you actually have someone to celebrate it with.

Big surprise, I'm missing my folks. And I'm wishing there was someone in my life that would put their arms around me to walk me through the next few days. Or better yet, how about the rest of my life? Yeah. That would be teh awesome. What more can I say, that I haven't already said here (or on twitter) a million+ times?

Nothing.

It is what it is. And I'm tired of talking about the same old sh*t. All I can do is stay busy w/ my house remodeling project, dig my hands & feet into the soft wet earth of my new life here in Seattle, and just put one foot in front of the other.

Happy Mother's Day to all my mamas out there (dead or alive). This crabby old broad is sending you lots of love and about a zillion ex's & oh's. Errr, I mean xoxo's.

There's no place like home...

Oh, Auntie Em... there really is no place like home!

We arrived in Long Beach to a cool, almost damp 63 degree evening. Our flight landed about 25 minutes late but was pretty easy-breezy once we hit the tarmac (gotta love small airports like AUS and LGB).

We had a quick dinner at Pancho's Mexican Restaurant on Pacific Coast Hwy before stopping at the local 7-Eleven for a gallon of Alta Dena milk so that I'd have something to give the baby in the morning &/or put in my coffee. Got back to the house around 9 pm, brought the bags in, changed into pj's, brushed our teeth, read 2 books & pretty much crashed as soon as our heads hit the pillow.

Best of all? Dexy slept in her own bed. No waking, no fussing, no crying... until 5:30 am! Then she came in w/ me & we snuggled together until 7:15 am, dozing off and on. Sweet, non stressful, peaceful.

My child the way she used to be -- instead of the child she's been the past few months. You know, the little girl w/ the goofy grin that was so easy going & even tempered, that never cried and who would let ANYONE hold her. The child I gave birth to, the child I've know for most (if not all) of the past 23 months). Before those evil aliens from the Planet Terrible Two's stole her away & replaced her with the Whiny-Needy-No-One-But-Mama-Will-Do child I have now (please, please, please tell me I'll get my original child back some day).

Despite the fact that she's been a total PILL most of today (Happy Mother's Day to me, hooray), I'm holding on to that sweet moment from this morning. It was the first time in a long time that I felt relaxed & calm around my kid. I need to know those moments are still possible, or I'll never get through the next few years of Toddler Hell.

Speaking of Mother's Day...

My friend Debe dropped off the most hilarious card (& flowers) for me this morning! The card is sort of charcoal gray w/ lime green text & this cute lime green fairy in a funky striped baby doll dress, wings, a wand & knee high boots & it says:

If I could,
I'd find a fairy godmother
With a magical wand
And combat boots
So that she could grant
Your wishes and kick
The crap outta anything
That tried to get in the way
Of your happiness.

I don't know WHERE she found this card, but I'm totally framing it! A lime green Fairy Godmother in combat boots, are you kidding me? If my Fairy Godmother was going to wear anything on her feet, of COURSE she'd wear combat boots. She'd have tattoos & multiple piercings too. LOL.

I also got a text message from Dexy's dad wishing me a Happy Mother's Day too, which was much more than I was expecting to be honest. We even ended up talking on the phone for the first time in a month, which was really weird -- but that's a topic for another day. I'm still kind of trying to process the reality of our conversation & don't want to regurgitate stuff I've already said on this blog until I've done so.

It's sunny & bright outside. The hose is refilling the pool (one week gone & it's dropped about 4 inches from evaporation). The grocery shopping is done. I've unpacked my suitcase & started some laundry. Dexy Girl is down for a late afternoon nap. I think I'm going to pop in a video (Across the Universe) & watch it until I either fall asleep too, or she wakes up. Whichever happens first.

Hope all my Mommy friends are having a WONDERFUL day!

Love & kisses,

Me.

11 Months...

Dex is 11 months old today. One more month and she'll no longer be a "baby", she'll be a toddler. She crawls, sits, pulls herself up to a standing position, has seven dang teeth (I have the bite mark to prove it), laughs at everything from the dog to her daddy, eats her solids like a champ, points, waves, babbles constantly in a secret language I've yet to decipher, etc.

I had to buy her a new car seat over the weekend b/c she is 21 pounds, 11 oz. and over 30" long. Her infant seat only fits infants to 31" and it is getting to snug now. She's big enough to be "forward facing" actually. Won't do that for a while yet, she's safer the other way. The Britax car seat I got will take her to 65 pounds. Good seat. Expensive seat. Holy cow, raising a kid costs a small fortune.

I digress.

Where the hell did the past 11 months go? Too fast, too fast. 'Course, she'll always be my baby. I so look forward to seeing her little face each morning when I wake her up & in the evenings when I pick her up from daycare after a long day at work... these are the kinds of little things that are the highlight of my days now. Who knew being a mom could be so hard, and so wonderful all at the same time?

So... Happy Birthday little girl o'mine. I am already in wonder of what kinds of things you will learn to do between now & June 15th, or for that matter between now and age 40 (like me). Or all the crazy things you will most certainly do to make me laugh. Indeed, we're just getting started...