Dexy woke up at 1am this morning. I brought her into my bed at 1:30 b/c I have a cold & I just wanted to sleep. She kicked me silly until 4am, moaning and groaning (but also very much asleep). Somewhere around 4:30am I fell asleep with my cell phone clutched in my fist. I'd been fitfully tossing and turning, trying to eek out a spot to nest in next to my bed-hog of a daughter prior to that. At 6am, she was all bright eyed and bushy tailed, asking for her breakfast.
For those who wonder why I'm always tired... For those who find me crabby, anti-social, sharp tongued or irritable all the time (let's not even mention the fact that I'm also fat as a barn). Now you know!!
I don't sleep. Not even when SHE sleeps. I'm up/down all night long. My head is filled w/ thoughts, concerns, nightmares, etc. My bladder has betrayed me. The house is filled w/ too many memories & demons. So, yes. I'm sleep deprived & stressed. Worried. Sad, pathetic & lonely. But you already know that. You're probably also wondering what I have to be stressed about... Some of my friends & family even delight in telling me as often as they can that I "NEED" to go back to work b/c not working has made me stupid, lazy and less-than.
I'd love to tell y'all to go f*ck yourselves, especially on that last part, but what's the point? You'd just shake your heads & call me a bitch. And you'd be right.
I just want to crawl under the covers & disappear. But the house is for sale & I'm going to need a place to go, so I'm thinking about Alaska. I hear they'll be needing a new Governor soon.