Friday, December 11, 2009

Illuminate the Candles



Just sitting here watching the sun sink into Puget Sound, and I'm thinking about Hanukkah... wondering what all this still means to me, if anything. Of course, I believe in G-d. I'm more spiritually connected now than I've been in my entire life. And I'm grateful for that. I'm just not sure if I believe in religion anymore.

I'd like my daughter to experience the holiday traditions I grew up with (Lutheran), as well as the ones I chose as an adult (Jewish). Traditions, rituals, decorations, food, love, and most of all family... they all go hand in hand. That's not a bad thing to celebrate, right?

I will totally miss stopping at my brother's this year on Xmas morning. The kids ripping through presents. Mom & dad sitting on the couch watching it all unfold. Bri wearing khaki shorts & maybe some slippers (more likely flip flops). Elicia serving piping hot coffee w/ vanilla creamer and chatting with her over sausages on the stove. Maybe a fire going in the fireplace, even if it isn't cold (which it rarely is in Southern CA), just b/c it seems like the right thing to do on Christmas morning.

I'll miss stopping in at my best friend's on Xmas Eve. And having dinner at my childhood friends on Christmas afternoon. I'll miss lighting the Hanukkah candles at mom & dad's old house, that isn't ours anymore, in a neighborhood that isn't mine anymore either. I'll miss waving to the neighbors, exchanging cookies & cards w/ them, seeing their kids and grandkids running around the block on new bikes and skateboards.

It doesn't have to be a melancholy time, the holidays. I have so much to be grateful for. I love my new house, my new neighborhood is chock full of awesome people who will help create similar childhood memories for my daughter, I can have a tree AND a menorah if I want, I've put up lights around the eaves, it's cold, and hells bells, it MAY even snow! I can have the exact experience I desire, to the level at which I'm willing to participate. Some days I'm just not sure how much I want to participate. That's where I'm feeling stuck I guess.

But... tonight, I'll light the candles. And I'll think of those I love. That's the best I can do for today. It's enough, yo.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

We Shall Not Sleep, Though Poppies Grow...

War Dead

REMEMBER THEM, TODAY OF ALL DAYS, REMEMBER.

On this day, I am thinking of my dad (Marine Corps, WWII Okinawa) & my grandpa (Army, WWI France). I am so grateful for their service to our Nation, and for the countless others who have served before or since. Please take a moment to thank a Veteran today ... with a hug & your love, or perhaps a silent prayer.

Rest in peace dad & grandpa. I love you.

------------------------------------------------------------

“In Flanders Fields”
- Lieutenant-Colonel John Mc Crae / WWI

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields. "

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Boo.

This was the best shot I was able to get on Halloween. Lame right?

Halloween Madness

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

November. Already?

Whoa. Where did the last month & 1/2 go? Whoosh. I have NO idea. But damn, it's officially the Holiday Season people!

And sadly, I still pretty much have nothing to say.

So, instead here's some pics of our LIFE from the past month or so. In the meantime, hope YOU are all doing well. Peace out homies.

Running @ Alki on a sunny Oct Saturday

Alki Beach

Hanging

Dexy Running - SoCal

Raven - Lincoln Park

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Monday, August 24, 2009

Chirp. Chirp.



Just so you know, I come up with the most brilliant stuff for my blog in the middle of the night when my insomnia is in full gear, usually right around 2:30am or so. My vocabulary is rockin' the mic like some obscurely intricate jazz mixed up with a little of the Hippity Hop. The topics are pertinent, funny, poignant, and/or controversial. They generate gads of comments. There's even a regular troll or two b/c I consistently rile 'em up with my stellar wee hours musings.

It's really too bad I'm never on (or near) my computer when I am having these creative bursts of brilliance. Because you know, they're all just in my head, and there's a sleeping toddler at my side, and G-d forbid I should wake her up by daring to get out of bed so I can write this sh*t down. And of course by morning, in true Mommy Brain fashion, *poof* they're gone.

I'm no Alaina, Jen, Maggie or Leah that's for damn sure... but that's okay, b/c thankfully they are. And I get to read them, and so many other great bloggers every single day. Which is why I'm rarely here. Well, that & let's just be honest shall we? I'm usually wasting tons of prime writing time fiddling about on Twitter or Facebook. If I could just muster up the courage to ditch at least one of those two time sucks from my daily life, I likely be here more often.

Maybe I'd even have something to say. Or at least some better photographs to share.

Or not.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Before & After

Well, not quite "after" since obviously we're still working on the landscaping, etc. But for those who are wondering how the house is coming along, I give you exhibit A & B (or is it B & A?) ... and a little something in the middle just for fun.

Oct 2008

BEFORE - this is from the first time I ever saw the house in person (last October).

Construction has begun

DURING - note original roof & windows still on, porch & landscaping gone.

Aug 2009

CURRENT - progression to date. Still quite a bit to do, but at least it looks like a house again.

All things considered, it's not even been a year since we bought the house, and really only 5 months or so of serious demo & remodeling going on, I'd say we've made tremendous progress. I'm hopeful that by the time our one year anniversary rolls around, it'll be 100% complete - inside and out.

That's all for now. Wasn't that a hoot?

Friday, July 24, 2009

Counting, Always Counting

Joan and Hunter Laugh

Numbers... Ask anybody who knows me. I loathe them. They are not now, nor have they ever been, my friend. I'm bad at math, terrible in fact. Dyslexic & all kinds of backasswards when it comes to numbers. Can't remember phone numbers or street addresses for jack. My checkbook is in a constant state of "who-the-eff-knows-what-my-balance-is?"...

Yet, when it comes to birthdays, anniversaries, etc. the numbers manage to stick in my head & I can't get them out. 'Course, it helps that I keep a calendar.

2 years. Today.

Yeah, okay. So it's been 2 years. Some of you would say I should "get over it" already. And yeah, I know I should be celebrating the wonderful, awesome, warm fuzzy stuff about my mom -- rather than being stuck in the sadness of the day she died.

But that's just stating the obvious. It's so much more than that. B/c really, my mom was gone long before July 24, 2007. Really, I'd been without my mom for nearly 12 years; as Alzheimer's slowly & cruelly robbed her mind of memories & robbed her body of the ability to function.

Over a decade of not having 100% of my mom. Over a decade of knowing it would eventually take all of her. Over a decade of knowing that if I ever had a child, ever got married, ever had any significant event in my life period, she wouldn't be there to share it with me. To talk/walk me through it. To hold my hand (figuratively & literally). And frankly y'all? That's the part that sucks the most about today. It's a big fat reminder of what I haven't had for a long, long time.

Paris Metro with my Mom

So here we are.

2 years. And counting. When will I stop counting? When will July 24 cease being painful? Or July 12 (my dad)? Or July 7 (my dogs)?

Mom never stopped counting the years since her own mom's death (July 25 1962). The loss of my grandma "Pink" was that significant to her. She'd tear up every time grandma came up in conversation. Every. Single. Time.

I feel like that. Close to tears on a regular basis. Waves of grief. Scents. Sounds. A song. Anything seemingly trivial can trigger it. Even seeing an old lady in a shop, or on the street, or a restaurant. It knocks me over, the breath sucked right out of my chest. A desire to curl up & cry my face off, but not being able to.

As cliché as it sounds, I miss her down to my marrow. Deep as the effing ocean. I miss all that she represented as a mom. MY mom. F*ck, I miss her most of all.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Yahrzeit

One year since your body quit this earth & your soul flew (hopefully to a place of peace & freedom from all that ailed you)... Nearly three years since this picture was taken. I'm glad I at least have one photo of you with her. I'm also glad there is a teeny glimmer of pride & perhaps even joyful amusement in your eyes.

Dad and Dex - Aug 2006

Your 2nd & 3rd granddaughters arrived. But then mom left. Then you. Then your two children decided not to be brother & sister anymore. Blessings and grief, all intertwined. I'm not sure how I feel about any of this today, except to tell you I think of you (& mom) every single day. Sometimes with tears, often with smiles & laughter.

So, as your daughter, on this day of mourning & remembrance, I light a candle for you. Even if it wasn't always easy for either of us, I loved you dad. And damn, if I don't miss you something awful.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

My Little Girl

... Well, dang. She's not so little anymore. I've spent the last several days thinking about my baby, laying in her crib with her fat corndog legs and lovely toothless grins. How did THREE years go by so darn fast? Really, I wanna know.

Upside Down

Anyway, the last minute birthday party ended up being awesome! She had about 8 friends aged 4-8 to play with, her daddy (from NV), my buddy Christine (from CA) and several of my Seattle friends & neighbors came over to celebrate w/ us too. It wasn't fancy. It wasn't too stressful (ok, maybe a little bit - at least the gathering of decorations, booze, balloons, etc.). And I'm pretty sure I had at least as much fun as Dexy did. All in all, not too shabby for a first gathering in our new house!

Speaking of our new house... YES, we've moved in. More on that later. Right now though, it's all about my sweet faced, not so little anymore, turtle baby.

I love you Big Girl!

Here comes the cake

Blow out the candles

Friday, June 5, 2009

I Can Haz Now Pleeze?

Fiberglass chair w/ swivel base

Please deliver two or three of the ABOVE chairs to my Seattle house tout de suite - to be placed neatly in a colorful row under my kitchen island countertop (see pic BELOW).

That is all. Kthxbai.

Kitchen

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Soon to be Birthday Girl

Party favours are fun!

Someone has a birthday coming up...

Last year I didn't have a party for her b/c my elderly father was ailing, there was zero other immediate family around who would bother making a showing, I'd broken things off with her daddy just a few months before and frankly, I didn't feel like dealing with any party planning drama.

Instead, some friends came over to the house. We all had some yummy cake that Dex's dad made. We opened two or three presents, b/c really she doesn't need any more stuff, and that was that. No muss, no fuss. Hooray!

This year though? She's way more aware of the whole b-day thing, having attended several in the past year. She also knows & sings the "birthday song" almost daily, not to mention telling anyone who will listen that she's going to be "thwee in June". Guess I can't really skip having a party now can I?

Truth is, I wish I could. We've only been in Seattle for 2 months, with few friends (hers or mine) to attend and we're also moving into our still very messy (& still very under construction) house exactly one week before Dexy's Big Day. Did I mention I'll have house guests in town that weekend too? Yes, I'm a crazy person.

I was thinking cupcakes in Lincoln Park sounds kinda good. With festive party hats, juice boxes & a few gifts. Since she'll be happy just to be in a playground, I don't think she'll notice a lack of 600+ party guests, schoolmates, clowns, a marching band, catered food, pony rides & a mountain of presents. Mostly, I just want to know that she won't be scarred for life if cupcakes in the park is all I can muster this year.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Sunday, May 31, 2009

What Do I Miss About Cali?


People keep asking me if I am missing CA, or wonder aloud how I could have been so nuts to move to a freezing cold town like Seattle being a CA native & all ('cos like CA is so beautiful and perfect and sunny and like totally awesome dude...), or the most frequent Q of all; "Wow, like doesn't it like totally rain all the time in Seattle?"

The short answer to all those questions is, "Nope."

Lest you think I'm a heartless Californian who just up and left my home state in a huff, with no regard to my "roots" whatsoever, there are some things I miss. I hereby give you a list of some of those things... Enjoy my friends, as this may be the last time I admit to missing CA at all. B/c really? It's far too breathtaking here in WA to poo poo the occasional rain storm. Besides, how many times have I gotta tell you (before you'll believe me) that I actually LIKE rain?

1) Fresh citrus or avocados right from the tree - as in, walk into my backyard, or stop by a neighbors, to pick fresh fruit right there and then, take it home and eat it up. Mmmm! The cost of fresh limes, avocados, etc. are daunting up here. Also, the citrus that does end up in stores here generally tastes like a$$. To compensate, we do have fresh apples, cherries, pears, etc. here in WA that are to die for. You've never tasted an apple like the apples here. Or the Rainer cherries. Don't get me started on fresh flowers either... Peonies, Tulips, Dahlia's etc. abound. And they are as big as your head. I swear!

2) Speaking of avocados... I miss guacamole tacos at Pancho's. A locals-only joint in Long Beach that opened the year before, or was it the year after, I was born (1967-ish). My family went there at least once a week from the day they opened. My brother worked there for about a decade. I worked there for about a year. My ex-BF, his brother, his sister & several friends did too. Frank (aka Pancho), the owner, and nearly all the employees, were (are) like family. I miss taking Declan there for dinner or lunch, everyone was always so happy to see us. There is no replacing a place like Pancho's here in Seattle. Mexican food here pretty much sucks, and even if I did find a good substitute Mexican food-wise, I'd always miss my Pancho's family.

3) Speaking of limes... I miss a well poured Margarita made w/ fresh lime juice. Only fresh limes will do people, Sweet & Sour mix is a big no-no in my book. Good tequila is also a must. No Jose Cuervo will cross these lips, not on purpose anyway. Served in a pint glass, NOT frou frou stemware. On the rocks (never frozen or blended). No salt. Personally, I've had the worst luck getting a good "Cadillac" margarita in Seattle. I'm sure there may be one or two places in this city that can make 'em, but every place I've ever ordered one has been an EPIC FAIL. So for now, I'm back on the vodka my friends.

4) Speaking of booze... I miss being able to buy booze 7 days a week at any darn store I please, from the local grocery, to BevMo, to 7-11. Washington has state run liquor stores! Which means no giant economy sized bottles of Hornitos or Cazadores at my local Costco for those Cadillac Margaritas I was just talking about. I actually have to schlep to the one state liquor store in West Seattle down on Cal Ave. and they're only open from 10am to 8pm, and not on Sundays at all. WTH? How am I supposed to get my drink on?

5) I miss Trader Joes. We do have TJ's here, but the closest one to West Seattle is all the way down in Burien. A good 15-20 min drive. I'm used to doing almost all of my shopping at TJ's, and I'm also used to it being less than 3 minutes from my house in 3 directions. I was there at least 2 times a week, usually more. It was great to have good, cheap groceries (and booze!) just a skip & a hop down the road. We do have several beautiful chi chi "gourmet" markets in West Seattle and a couple of Safeways... but I can't always justify chi chi gourmet market prices. And Safeway? Sorry but yuck!

6) Kind of an oddity, but I miss in-ground swimming pools. I didn't swim much in mine, but I sure liked looking at it. All sparkly in the CA sunshine, the sound of the pump circulating the water in a soothing bubbling way when my windows were open (which they always were), or peering out said bedroom windows to see my chatty, crazy cool pool man Matt making ripples on the surface of the water with his skimmer. Something just quintessentially Californian about a swimming pool in your backyard. Le sigh.

7) Last but not least? Spanish/Territorial style architecture. We take it for granted in the Desert Southwest b/c it's everywhere. But when there is none of it to be found, suddenly smooth cocoa stucco walls, fuchsia bougainvillea blooms, exposed "vigas" & xeriscaped gardens seem an exotic & welcome relief from the zillions of Arts & Crafts, Tudors and Cape Cods crowding the architechtural landscape...

Okay folks. That's all I've got. For now. Besides, Dexy keeps interrupting me (what nerve). Hope you're having a good weekend. Peace out 'til next time.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Memorial Day Wkd Thoughts

I'm all over the place. Busy as hell. Want to blog about it. Post pictures. Tell you funny little stories. Or, at least funny to me. But I have a few problems that are limiting my ability to get off my arse and do so.

A) I really am up to my eyeballs in house remodeling stuff... the good news on that front is that the house is really coming together & we'll actually be able to move in the 1st or 2nd week of June. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to stay sane living out of boxes & sleeping on linens that aren't mine (Ewwww).

B) There is nothing worse than slow a$ internet connections, wifi or otherwise. And let me tell you, the one here is S L O W . . . When it takes more than 5 minutes for any given page to load, if it loads at all, I'm usually long gone & on to other things. Like laundry. Sleeping. Running errands. Attending to my kid. Whatever. You get the idea. I'm a busy mom. I ain't got time for SLOW interwebs. No way, no day!

But I'm thinking about you. Really, I am. And my head is full o' useless ideas and information that you probably don't even care to hear about, but I just needed to say this all out loud b/c I feel so bloody impotent without being able to write, muse, and generally process here on this retarded blog. Or at the very least post some of the zillions of pictures from all the fun stuff I've been doing w/ Dex and our friends since we moved to Seatown in April.

So, I hope you're having a grand holiday weekend. Enjoying family time, eating BBQ, lazing in the sun, planting flowers in your garden...

Oh, and since I brought it up; try to remember what Memorial Day is really all about will ya? Go hug the widow or widower of a Veteran, or place some flowers on the grave of one you loved (thanks Dad, I love you).

War Dead

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Hallmark Holidays Make Me Cuckoo Crazy

Univ of Az Move-In Day

I have been feeling profoundly sad the past 2 days or so - in waves mostly, so not all the time (which is a good thing) - but I haven't been able to put my finger on it.

Sometimes, I really am dumber than a box of rocks (*slaps forehead*)

G-d knows I can't really articulate any of it right now. Suffice to say, Mother's Day is almost upon me. Another stupid & contrived greeting card "holiday" that means jack unless you actually have someone to celebrate it with.

Big surprise, I'm missing my folks. And I'm wishing there was someone in my life that would put their arms around me to walk me through the next few days. Or better yet, how about the rest of my life? Yeah. That would be teh awesome. What more can I say, that I haven't already said here (or on twitter) a million+ times?

Nothing.

It is what it is. And I'm tired of talking about the same old sh*t. All I can do is stay busy w/ my house remodeling project, dig my hands & feet into the soft wet earth of my new life here in Seattle, and just put one foot in front of the other.

Happy Mother's Day to all my mamas out there (dead or alive). This crabby old broad is sending you lots of love and about a zillion ex's & oh's. Errr, I mean xoxo's.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Three Can #Suckit

Sweet Jeebus!

Coming up w/ a healthy lunch for my kid every day so she can take it to school in her cute little pink & green lunchbox (okay, it's not really a "box" per se, it's more of a canvas lunch bag, but you get the idea) is freaking HARD.

Oh hell, who am I kidding? Feeding this kid for any meal is hard. She doesn't eat. She hates everything I make her, even if she asked for it just 5 seconds ago. She doesn't want to drink anything either. She doesn't like juice. She doesn't want chocolate milk, so forget about regular milk! Water is rarely acceptable, unless it is in a sippy cup, no a drinking fountain, no a glass, no a sippy cup. And G-d forbid I ask her if she has to go pee, or poop, or to come over here right now before you get a spanking b/c I'm counting to three missy so come here right now instead of running down the block away from me you little stinker of an obstinate $#%^* child o'mine ...

Her answer is always a resounding ...

"NO!"

Also, her repeated NO's are almost always accompanied by maniacal fits of laughter &/or an evil grin that puts the very Devil's to shame.

Whomever it was that said the 2's were terrible? Yeah, they totally lied.

Hands down, the 3's are way worse. Worse still? She won't even be three until June people! I'm so screwed.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Arrogant, Smug & Self-Righteous... (raises hand)

"We, who have turned to Al-Anon, have often done so in despair, unable to believe in the possibility for change, unable to go on as we have before. We feel cheated out of a loving companion, over burdened with responsibilities, unwanted, unloved, and alone.

There are even those of us who are arrogant, smug, self-righteous, and dominating; but we come because we want, we need -- help.

While we may have been driven to Al-Anon by the behavior of an alcoholic friend, spouse or child, a brother, sister, or parent, we soon come to know that our own thinking has to change before we can make a new and successful approach to the problem of living. It is in Al-Anon that we learn to deal with our obsession, our anxiety, our anger, our denial, and our feelings of guilt. It is through the fellowship that we ease our emotional burdens by sharing our experience, strength, and hope with others. Little by little, we come to realize at our meetings that mush of our discomfort comes from our attitudes. We try to change these attitudes, learn about our responsibilities to ourselves, discover feelings of self-worth, love, and grow spiritually.


The emphasis begins to be lifted from the alcoholic and placed where we do have some power -- over our OWN lives
.

------------------------------------------------

It's been a long ass time since I went to an Alanon meeting. Certainly more than 2 years, b/c I remember exactly which meeting it was and how old Dex was at the time. I also remember how happy I was to be back in a room filled w/ alcoholics. I remember thinking, "Ah, I'm home again."

But before you say, "So what? That AA crap is for sissies!" let me just say that for a long time the 12-step community was a huge part of my life. And though I know it's not for everyone, it absolutely saved my life. I can only tell you what it was like for me to hear those folks sharing their experience, strength and hope in the meetings I attended every week. It was my "church" in many ways, I found a whole new G-d in those rooms, and that alone will endear me to Bill W. and Dr. Bob forever.

What qualified me for Alanon in the first place was my dad, an alcoholic by his own admission. He had long periods of "sobriety" throughout my childhood, but the behaviors of a mean drunk were always present, even when he was dry.

When I was about 10, esophogeal cancer & cerrhosis of the liver took my grandfather out in a very painful & dramatic fashion; strapped down to a bed & screaming at my dad to "please kill him"...

I have often wondered what it must have been like for my dad, growing up w/ an alcoholic & emotionally distant dad - which is exactly the kind of dad he ended up being. Somehow, picturing my dad as a little boy (who was loved & cherished once) makes it much easier for me to forgive his adult mistakes.

What must it have been like for my grandmother, trying to raise her son & manage some semblance of normalcy? What was it she saw in my grandfather that we couldn't? Was there a sweet little boy buried somewhere in him too (actually, I know there was b/c my grandfather was my hero when I was really little).

How was it for my mom when she married my dad? Why did she choose to jump on board the alcoholism band wagon? She had a favorite uncle who had a serious drinking problem (hence her attraction to my dad, I'm sure), but to go out and marry one? On purpose?!

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to stand in judgment. I know exactly what it's like to love an alcoholic. My dad was just the first of many. Given our family history (note that my biological family history is eerily similar), it's no wonder I'm uniquely qualified to love alcoholics &/or addicts.

Honestly, I stopped going to meetings not b/c I don't believe in the miracle of the 12-steps, or in the power that program gives us when we work it, I stopped going b/c I started to get better. And once I got better, I didn't want to be surrounded by "sick" people anymore. I didn't want to replace one addiction (alcoholics) for another (program). I wanted program to be part of my life, not all of my life. I don't regret cutting meetings from my busy schedule. I still make sure I'm in conscious contact w/ G-d on a regular basis. That works for me. I also know right where to go if I start feeling a little shaky (like tonight) or if an active alcoholic starts wreaking havoc in my life again. I'll get my ass to a meeting, or pull out my tattered copy of the Big Book, toute de suite!

When my dad died last summer, I went so far as to smugly declare I didn't need program anymore b/c my qualifier was dead & therefore I was "cured"...

Wrong.

I'll never really be cured. Not of my crappy thinking anyway. All the stuff I learned growing up in an alcoholic household, that stuff is still with me. Granted, I don't have to DEFINE myself by it anymore. Having an alcoholic dad wasn't all that my childhood experience was, and certainly, being the child of an alcoholic isn't all that I am as an adult woman. I can choose to live a different life.

So yeah, I'm often arrogant, smug & self-righteous. We all are. It's not a character trait that I covet however. I'd much rather be thought of as respectful, funny and/or kind. The past month since I moved to Seattle (& all that led up to it) has been an emotional roller coaster ride, to say the least. I am struck by just how quickly I can revert to old behaviors & thinking.

So, what's my point?

My point is, change is hard. I don't like myself whatsoever when I focus on what OTHERS are saying or doing. It's none of my business. My only focus should be on me (& my daughter of course). It's the only place I do have any power, over my own life.

Yes, there are parts of my life that are rather out of my control right now, especially my house not being ready yet. I've been flailing around a bit, flipping & flopping like a good little Pisces. It's to be expected though right? Moving me (and my kid) to another state was a big damn deal. It wasn't some easy breezy la-dee-da thing I pulled out thin air!

I know that this is where I'm supposed to be, at least for right now. I know better than to assume MY plans are better than G-d's. Moving away from a strong support network within easy reach is a little unnerving. When you're 20-something, or don't have kids, eh. Not so much. But at 42, with a toddler in tow? Yikes! Much harder than I thought.

Mostly, I wasn't prepared for how lonely I'd actually feel. Thank G-d, it's not the same loneliness I felt back in CA. This is far more manageable by comparison & I also know this too shall pass. I just have to ride it out, learn from it, savor the discomfort of it even.

Anyway, I'm rambling. It's late. I don't even know where I wanted to go w/ this stupid post. I'm just glad I had a moments peace to actually write something down w/o interruption or exhaustion getting in my way. I'm also glad I have a little 12-Step wisdom to take w/ me into my dreams tonight. Here's hoping it knocks me out cold.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Ho. Hum. Dee. Dum.

Sometimes I just bore the crap out of myself.

Like today. I haven't been feeling good for several weeks, if not months. Some of it is stress certainly. The rest I can attribute to my crappy diet, poor sleep cycles and my stupid Hashimoto's (thyroid) disease that has plagued me for the better part of 10 years.

Anyway, I am really happy to finally be in Seattle. I just wish I felt better. Then maybe I wouldn't bore myself (or you) quite so much. Or maybe I would.

Hmmmm. What was I saying?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

(Do-Re)-Mi Favorite Things



If you haven't seen this on YouTube yet, check it out! Share it. Save it. Re-play it whenever you're feeling sad or blue. Cry. Laugh. Get up off your fat arse, throw your arms in the air, and dance like ya just don't care. Give your co-worker in the next cube over a big fat jolly hug. Think of a pretty Julie Andrews and all those little blond Children-of-the-Austrian-Corn prancing around like crazy idiots in Alpine mountain meadows. Think of kittens and mittens and love and well, JOY dammit.

I was feeling kind of down. This. Made. My. Day.

And yes, I frackin' lurv "The Sound of Music"... hello, have you met me before?

SeaTown Update

The great news is, we made it to West Seattle! The other great news is that my little house has heat, plumbing, electrical, new windows & exterior doors. By next week it should also have the drywall & interior doors hung, which means the contractors can start moving a little faster on the finish work. The "bad" news is that I'm still not able to actually LIVE in it, so we've put our temp roots down in a vacation rental about 2 miles away (a sweet little 19-teens cottage). Crossing my fingers and toes that we'll be IN the house by Memorial Day -- or sooner, even if there is still more finish work to do (cabinets, paint, landscaping, etc.).

Will you please cross your fingers and toes for us too?

Kitchen window gets hung

Tuesday, April 14, 2009