All I want for Christmas is...

I just lurves me some pork. Ham in particular. My pretend husband, Mr. Tony Bourdain has it right, piggies are one of the most perfect foods. And what's not to like? Ham, bacon, sausage, prosciutto, roast pork loin, ham hocks (for homemade split pea soup), pork rinds, pulled pork, pork bellies, pâté de campagne, Rillettes, pork chops and applesauce...  

* d r o o l *

So hey, dear Santa! Can I have a lovely glazed ham for Christmas dinner please? I promise I'll be good. No really, I will. Oh, while you're at it, I'd also love some cranberry relish, mashed potatoes, sweet corn casserole, some yummy greens (braised spinach with bacon perhaps, or fresh green beans?), pecan pie... you get the idea. I'll leave the Trophy cupcakes and milk by the fire place. Thanks in advance. Love forever and ever, Me.

P.S. Not to be a bother, but a little help w/ the gift wrapping would be most excellent as well. Thanks a million!