Monday, March 30, 2009

A Monday Misc. List Thing

Since I'm up to my eyeballs in boxes & packing materials, I'm gonna be lazy and give you a quickie list a la The Stephord Diaries and List Of The Day (two great blogs, check 'em out ya lazy bums!)... Enjoy it! This may be my last post for weeks - not that you care. *snort*

Obscene language ahead. You've been warned.
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5 PET PEEVES O'MINE

1) People who tailgate - Really, I just don't get the point of tailgating. Hello? Have you taken drivers Ed or gone to traffic school like EVER since you got your license? Tailgating is dangerous & stupid driving behavior. Not only that, if you're behind me & I'm not getting out of your way fast enough, go AROUND me you dick. I'm not in that big of a hurry. I'm NEVER in that big of a hurry. And I also probably have my kid in the car, so I'm being extra careful for a reason. Oh, and if you really insist on being a jerk about getting all up my ass w/ your stupid Mom Mini-Van, or your Hummer, etc. (while you're gabbing on your cell phone & gesticulating at me angrily) guess what? I'm gonna slow down even more. I may even get out of my car and KICK YOUR ASS if you drive by w/ your hands and mouth flailing. So, what do you think of them apples Speed Racer? Slow down! You'll live longer.

2) Speaking of moms in Mini-vans, I find them to be some of the RUDEST and STUPIDEST drivers on the road. They are the most likely to change lanes without signaling, the most likely to tailgate, the most likely to be screaming at their 75 kids or family members riding in the vehicle w/ them, the most likely to be speeding down a residential street at 95 miles an hour, and the most likely to want to fight me over a parking space. Seriously? Get over yourselves!

3) The "itchy spot" in the middle of my back that always itches & that I can't reach. 'Nuff said.

4) People who ask me if I'm pregnant (or ask when I'm due, or how far along I am, etc.) - Seriously? Are you THAT stupid? I kind of expect men to be retarded about asking a question like that. But women?! OMG. You must have brain damage. What an insulting, rude, potentially hurtful question to ask. Here's the deal people... unless I specifically tell you that I'm indeed going to pop out a baby in the next day or two, do not, under any circumstances, ask me if I am pregnant. You are making a gross assumption. Maybe I did just have a baby. Maybe I have a giant tumor. Or maybe, I'm just plain fat as a house. Whatever the deal is, it ain't NONE of your business. Not even a little bit. And trust me, I'm going to make sure I humiliate you as much as I possibly can if you ask me such a question. So much so that I doubt you'll ever make that mistake again. And if you do, then you definitely have brain damage so let me know your mom's address so I can send her a "sympathy" card.

5) And my final pet peeve for today is... running into ex-boyfriends. You know the one that you never want to see again on G-d's green earth if you can possibly avoid it? The one you inevitably see when you are looking your absolute worst? Yeah. That's a pretty sucky peeve. Just sayin'.

Honorable Mention - Certain family members who don't help you pack up your parents house & all it's contents b/c they're "too busy" (packing for their trip to Hawaii). Um, hello? I'm a single mom w/ a toddler. My friends all work. My parents are dead. I have no other local family. And duh, I have my own household shite to pack for a major move out of state. In less than 30 days. All while taking care of the realtor BS & inspectors need me to take care of so we can close escrow. How was your life inconvenienced? Why is all mom & dad's stuff MY job to sort, throw away, clean up, etc. Why is your life & your time always more important than mine? It would have been nice if you could have at least offered to help, instead of just counting all the duckets you're going to make. So thanks ever so for taking care of me. I really appreciate it. Oh, & I'll be sure to tell Karma to return the favor some day.

The end.

4 comments:

Samsmama said...

I was tail gated less than an hour ago. By a lady in a minivan. I flipped her off, then ended up next to her at the light. She could NOT look at me.

Good luck with the move. And Karma is a bitch. And she's good at her job. )

Steph said...

People are douchebags. I wish I could fly out to help you pack up. And also to punch people in the face on your behalf. Assclowns.

Smiling, Beguiling said...

Steph, you are teh awesome! Assclowns? Omg, I think I just peed.

Samsmama,now every time someone is tailgating you I'll bet you notice most of them are in mini-vans. LOL. And you're right, Karma is VERY good at her job. I just have to find a way to be gentle w/ myself & let it go.

Smiling, Beguiling said...

Steph, you are teh awesome! Assclowns? Omg, I think I just peed.

Samsmama,now every time someone is tailgating you I'll bet you notice most of them are in mini-vans. LOL. And you're right, Karma is VERY good at her job. I just have to find a way to be gentle w/ myself & let it go.