Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Up & Down, Round & Round...














There is NOTHING about being on this Merry-Go-Round that is working for me anymore, but damnit if I don't still keep getting on.

And no, I'm not the only one that's participating in this stupid little game, but what they do just isn't any of my business.

F**k me though, it sucks balls to feel this bad about being yanked into the vortex of a little kids spinning ride. One. More. Time.

I'm doing my level best to NOT jump back on board for one more spin about. It's not easy though. I've had my own personal (& seemingly valid) reasons for holding on to this illusion of normalcy; some habits also just die hard. But I can't do this anymore (whatever *this* is). I thought I could be all cool, easy breezy & unaffected like a man. Turns out I can't. Maybe someday, but not today.

I don't know how to do this. I hate how confused and out of control I feel. So I'm gonna scurry off to see if there is a nice thoroughly terrifying rollercoaster further on down the promenade. Yep, that sounds like an excellent plan!

The End.

6 comments:

stumbleback said...

Don't worry about 'normal'. There's no such thing. As long as you wake up in the morning - you're ok.
:)

mae said...

bleh. men.

that's all i have to say.

x

Anonymous said...

Cheryl,

It's going to take time to get back to "normal". You've had a tough few years. Be patient with yourself, kind to yourself - set boundaries when you have to.

Jeanne says we get to see each other! YIPPEE!

Anne (Jeanne's Mom)

Kim H. said...

Aww honey, hang in there. Just go snuggle up and breathe in that beautiful Declan.

I want you to know as well that I was so moved by your posts about your parents - I read back a few posts and was so sad for you. You must be a very, very strong woman - and I know you must have loved your parents very much.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Come back anytime! :)

Hugs!

mae said...

bleh. men.

that's all i have to say.

x

stumbleback said...

Don't worry about 'normal'. There's no such thing. As long as you wake up in the morning - you're ok.
:)