Dudes, sometimes I just
want need it to be QUIET!
For me, one of the hardest things about being a single parent is how noisy it can be.
Now I know what y'all will say, that ALL kids are noisy and ALL parents want peace/quiet, so what does being a single parent have to do with anything? But you're just going to have to trust me on this one, it's totally worse for those of us doing this parenting thing solo. Or at least it is for this single mama.
Whenever I really need some down time, or I'm trying to have a phone conversation, work in my office, plan dinner, or ponder the 568 other Mom Stuff related items in my head, that's precisely the moment when my kid needs to be right on top of me.
Frankly, it's already pretty noisy in my head even without all the Mom Stuff. And sometimes I just need it to stop. And when it doesn't stop, my temper flares, and then my temperature rises, and then I get so angry I want to scream. And more often than not, I do end up screaming.
Which isn't right and it isn't fair, because let's face it, a four year old just doesn't get the concept of Mommy-Really-Needs-a-Break-Right-Now-Or-Else-She's-Gonna-Lose-What's-Left-of-Her-Freakin'-Mind.
I know she just wants my attention - and she wants it now. I get that. The Good Mommy in me really wants to give it to her too, but that mommy is trapped inside my very loud and chaotic brain and that mommy's voice of reason can't possibly be heard above all that bloody racket, so then the Mean Mommy wins and the screaming party begins.
The obvious response of course is to walk away from the noisy situation before it escalates to the point of screaming, counting to three, consequences, threats, "time outs", crying, etc. (which hello? just creates more noise!), but 90% of the time I can't walk away because I'm here by myself (i.e. there's no one to hand her off to so I can go calm the eff down).
I have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. No way to get away from the questions or the requests for food, bathroom assistance, books, TV, toys, tea parties, boo-boo fixes and kisses, etc. No way to get away, if even only for a moment, from this sweet, beautiful and most perfect little creature who is following me all over the house.
And I know that sounds awful and harsh. It probably makes me a monster. But if I don't find a quiet place, and soon, my head might actually explode & fly off into outer space, never to be seen again.
I swear to gawd officer, that crazy woman's head just POPPED right off her neck and exploded into a zillion teeny pieces! Look, there's what's left of her in that bloody gurgling pool of ooze on the sidewalk. See? Ewwwwwww!
And then where would my kid be?
So, please pass me the duct tape. It's quiet time.