Sunday, May 11, 2008

More Mother's Day Thoughts

I'm just now realizing why this day has been so BLUE for me ... or at least one of the major reasons (among several).

Today is the first Mother's Day without my mom. She died last July 24 after a 12 year battle w/ Alzheimer's. And my brother, who I rarely hear from (& who rarely saw mom once she got sick), sent me a text message this afternoon today saying: "Hope u r having a nice mothers day. i wish mom was around to see."

Wow.

Wow, that he is missing mom & had the cajones to admit that to me in a text. Wow, that I didn't realize the significance of today being Mother's Day... though I am often acutely aware of feeling very much the orphan, especially during big Life Events. Wow, that it's been almost a year since she died.


My mom was the most beautiful woman IMO... This pic was taken in the late 1940's when she was in her 20's.

No wonder my dad wanted to marry her. She was smokin' hot y'all! 5'8", blond, violet blue eyes (like Elizabeth Taylor), skinny as a rail, KIND, funny, and one of those moms that would totally hold the bucket while you were throwing up. LOL.



This was my mom in August 2006, about a year before she died. That's my daughter next to her, who was about 2 months old at the time (& yes, I admit it, totally @ the Ugly Pimply Baby stage). I'm so grateful she got to meet my mom though.

The day I took this picture, mom just lay there w/ the baby. Forever it seemed. Stroking Dex's skin, holding & touching her hands & feet, like she couldn't GET OVER how connected she was to this little life. Of course, my mom actually still knew me most days in 2006. By the time she died, though she was still sweet as pie to the baby & me, she had no idea who we were.

Or hell, who knows? Maybe she did.

Mom... I love you. I miss you. I wish so much you were here to watch Declan grow up. You could have taught me so much about patience, kindness, fun, and most of all how not to get frustrated when my kid is acting like a total 2 year old.

But I want to thank you & grandma Pink for sending her to me just the same. You knew I wasn't gonna make it once you were gone didn't you? You knew what my plans were, didn't you? Crafty gal you were, til the last. She saved my life & by extension, so did you.

C ~

13 comments:

Mama C-ta said...

A great tribute, your mama is smiling.

To Think is to Create said...

Wow, what a story. Thank you so much for sharing this...

mamasnest said...

This was a great tribute. I hope you were able to find some peace today. My dad passed away in December and it hit me tonight that I had been waiting for a call all day, without realizing it wouldn't come. I know Fathers Day, this year especially will be tough.

Mariana said...

Thank you for such a beautiful post! You brought tears to my eyes.

maggie, dammit said...

Ohhh, this is lovely. Alzheimer's is the ugliest beast I know. Peaceful Mother's Day to you.

Neil said...

That was very touching. I have the same experience with Father's Day next month.

jjodanger said...

What a beautiful homage.

crunchycarpets said...

Awww gorgeous.....lovely.

Yeah my dh spent mother's day cleaning out his mom's place.
She died last August..only 64.

What a waste.

TheMacMommy said...

Aw, so sorry and thanks for sharing. I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's in 2003. It was a rough road. It was an amazing experience being with him till he died, taking care of him and making him comfortable. It is such a hard thing, almost the exact opposite of dealing with someone who died of a heart attack (and I've known that kind of loss as well.) I've experienced death in my circle of friends and family in all different forms it seems. I've been to so many funerals I used to contemplate going into the funeral business. For me, Alzheimer's was possibly one of the most difficult of all of the losses to deal with. The amount of time and the mental toll it takes on the family as a whole; the false alarms. For ten years we lived in the constant back and forth of my grandfather's battle with the disease. I had a special bond with him because in the end, I was the only one he recognized anymore. I felt sad for my other family but at least he had someone he could hang on to and I hung onto him as much as I could. Luckily he had a very fulfilling 83 years with us. I still count the last 10 of those years because we all made the best of it as much as we could and in those 10 years, he taught us all a lot.

The death process sure does teach one an awful lot about living and making it count.

I hope you had a Happy Mother's Day and I'm sure she's smiling on you every day!

Melissa said...

wow. you are so amazing and your mom sounds like she was just incredible. i have to say that i am glad you are still here and i thank you for sharing part of your life with us all.

Amy Guth said...

Thank you for such a beautiful and open post. I so very much appreciate your way of writing tough things in such an honest and whole way.

Alzheimer's found its way to my family, too. What a awful thing it is.

Neil said...

That was very touching. I have the same experience with Father's Day next month.

To Think is to Create said...

Wow, what a story. Thank you so much for sharing this...